Sponge bath it is.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
