hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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