i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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