3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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