my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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