Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize