I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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