How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize