she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
