Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
