I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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