Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
