lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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