I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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