bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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