Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
