I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
