i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
