Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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