She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
