Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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