My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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