her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
