I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
