Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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