it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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