I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
