it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
