Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
