It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
