so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
