i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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