I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
