dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
