You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You pole danced in your parka.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
