Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
