Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
