he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize