he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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