Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
