Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
