Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize