Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I believe in your delicious
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
