1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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