I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize