I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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