I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize