Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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