Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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