Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My brain says no but my pants say off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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