am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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