what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
