Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
