I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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