Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize