that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
