Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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