a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
