I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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