You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
