I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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