I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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