don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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