Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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