When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
