:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize