My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
