I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want nice things and good sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize