dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
